Monday, December 10, 2012

Why Horses Are Really 2000 Pound Teenagers

If I've learned anything in  my 4 years of riding horses, I have learned that the middle school kids I teach and these large beasts are really the same animal.  Let me show you:

1.  They walk away from you while you are talking to them and proceed to do whatever they feel like doing.  This might involved standing with their back to you, eating while they study you from a distance to see if you're really serious, running around and/or chatting with their friends.

2.  They don't take you very seriously the first, second and sometimes third time you ask.  In most cases, they only time they really believe you are serious is when you pull out the big stick (metaphorically in the classroom, of course) and use it a couple of times.

3.  Once you do get them to do what ask you asked (by using the stick) every time you ask again, you get a big HARRUMPH every time you ask. 

They are so full of attitude.

4.  All they want to do is eat.  No matter what you give them, they will keep asking for more.   And it's never as good as the last time.

5.  They are gross eaters.  They slobber all over.  They smack their lips when they eat.  And if you give them something sweet, they proceed to smack their lips over and over for a good 5 minutes when they are done.

6.  Their bathroom habits leave much to be desired. 

7.  They smell.  Personally, I love the smell of horses but I know, many of you think a barn is a pretty bad smelling place.  The smell about a horse that I find repulsive is when I pick out the hooves.  I smells like rot.  Teenagers just smell like rot pretty much everywhere.  And when they don't stink of body smells, they reek of those poisons sold in Bath and Body Works or they smell like Axe.  Or they smell like candy apple candy or gum.  An equally foul smell.

8.  Sometimes, on magical days, they do everything you ask and you're both really happy.  You know this is what you're meant to do.  Everything comes up roses.  They glide around on air.  They're practically grinning because they know they've made your day.

This is usually followed by days of points  1-7 to such extremes that you question your ability and your sanity.

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