Wednesday, December 5, 2012

A Transvestite By Any Other Name

I never reveal my real name on my blog but since I have a total of 2 avid followers and a few out in the clouds, I'll risk it for the purpose of the this story.

I have never been a big fan of my name.  Mostly because I don't like the way people say it.  They attack my name and it always sounds harsh.   It doesn't sweetly flow off the tongue like Molly or Sue or Penelope. 

People attack Js like they are just spitting them out.  They do it with Ts too, so I'd never want a T name.

I've always felt pretty manly with the name JoAnna.  And I used to really hate it when I was little and people called me Jo because then I REALLY felt like a little boy.

I also have met a few JoAnnas in my time and they've been hideous.  Or obnoxious.  Or have some fatal flaw that makes me wish I was not sharing the same name.

Today, Jo is fine. I guess I'm ok with my inner manliness.   Joey seems to be my friend's son's chosen name for me, so I now listen to someone I've known for more than half of my life talk about "Joey" like she's called me that her whole life.  I've made an exception in this case.

But you know what isn't fine?  Joanne.  Because that's not my name.

I know, you think "Joanne, JoAnna, it's all the same right?"  Do you see the A at the end?  It's a whole syllable.  Leave it off, and you should go to jail. 

Grammar jail.  Where you get locked in a cell with nothing but grammar rules written all over the walls.  I before E except after C.... 

I used to just go with it when I was little and people called me Joanne.  I'd secretly seethe and be mad.  Somehow, over time, I learned to correct people and not even realize I'm doing it.  And still, people are like "oh, right, sorry, Joanne" and I say it again and they just laugh.

I tell them it's like if their name is Mary and I just call them Mar because I don't want to say the Y at the end.  Or their name is Peter but I just call them Pete... oh wait, bad example.

So, when you stalk me and leave me leacherous notes and messages, be sure to use all 6 letters, ok?

Back to my story.

The other day, I met a new sub at school.  She was walking down the hall, looking kind of lost, and I happened to be headed toward her.  I asked if she was subbing and did she want to know where the room was.  By this point, I was pretty close to her and she said she was in for someone just down the hall.

I explained where it was and then asked her name.

"Joanna"

I so rarely meet Joannas, I was kind of dumbstruck and said "Whoa so is mine!  That's so weird!"  We shook hands.

And then she said "It's nice to meet you" in the DEEPEST voice I've heard from a woman.  And then I took a closer look.

Standing before me, with gorgeous hair, a great body and a cute outfit was none other than a MAN in Joanna's clothing!!  I have never seen a more manly profile on a woman.  There is no doubt in my mind this woman was really a man.  No.  Doubt.

And do you know why I am beyond certain that I have no doubt?  Because his/her name is JOANNA.  Do you know how common that name is for drag queens, crossdressers and transvestites? 

Pretty.  Damned.  Common.

Yep, feeling my inner manliness coming through loud and clear.

3 comments:

  1. Ok, now that's funny! How was the handshake, was it manly? I had no idea that Joanna was a drag queen name...I'm going to pay more attention to the ones I come across in the future.

    As for Saimi (pronounced: Sigh-me) has never been pronounced correctly in all of my 50 years. But I'm ok with it since it's my Finnish Grandma's name.

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  2. I completely sympathize with you. I hate my own name. It's long, so most people shorten it and the nicknames make me sound like a boy.

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  3. So funny! I actually like my name but I know my good relative does not. I like your name!

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