Sunday, February 27, 2011

Letters Part Trois

Dear Lia Sophia Jewelry Company,

Hi.  I very much enjoy selling your jewelry.  It's a great way for me to earn some extra cash for my riding obsession.  I love the monthly newsletter you mail us with the little insert to share at shows.  Sometiems it inspires me.  However.

Upon reading this month's insert, I have some scoffing to do.  Never, in my 4 years working for you, have I attended a show where any number of women crowded around each other, touching each other as they admire your jewelry, as you demonstrate here.  This is fakety fake fake.

While I have tried to suggest that in the summer, women host shows on the decks, I have only had this happen once and when the rain and bugs came, it was a bit of a crisis.  I would be concerned in this "urban" setting you have featured here that some "neighbors" might come over to help themselves, were we to have the show on the "deck" featured here.

People host in weird places, do weird things at shows, I get it. 

Of most concern to me though, is the collection of rocks, or potatoes, that you have clustered near the vase of flowers.  WTF?  If someone lives in such an urban setting, where would they find these rocks to display?  Should they use potatoes?  And what purpose does this serve in the overall atmosphere of the show?  If the salsa runs out, we can make french fries or throw rocks at the hostess? 

Basically, I think your marketing/advertising department is nuts.  But I like earning the cash.  Just stop putting weird things in your pictures, please.

Thanks,
Sparkling

Dear Marathon Organizers,

Hi. I know, you sold out all of the space for the 10K, the half marathon and the marathon.  It's a banner year for you.  I know, you're raking in the big bucks.  You do know it's February, right?  Are you aware that the weather here in February usually looks like this?  Do you see the actual snowflakes falling down in this picture?  What are you thinking?  Do you think people actually like to run in snow and freeze their butts off?  Are you sure the end of March isn't a better time to do this?

So Glad I'm Not Interested in Marathons,
Sparkling

Dear Old Wives,

Sometimes, I'm glad you created all of those tales.  Like the one where you say that you should always wear an undershirt to keep warm.  Because lately, I've taken to putting on a tank top under my t-shirt and maybe sweatshirt, if I'm just going to be home all day.  And amazingly, I stay really warm.  Especially if I tuck it in!  I'm not a tucker inner, so this is really hard for me to remember, but it works!  I never thought they did anything and I thought you just liked to do lots of extra laundry.  I've also carried this new trend into riding when it's cold and amazingly, it helps me stay warm without a lot of extra bulk.

Keep Spinning Those Tales,
Sparkling

Dear Erika,

Thanks for letting me host Feel Good Friday while you're out getting your MBA in blogology.  It's nice to see what people are up to .  And I'm sure it brought new people to my site who now know what a nutjob I am. 

Thanks For Sharing Your Marvelous Invention,
Sparkling

Finally...

Dear Chobani Yogurt Gods,

Wow, you know how to get lemon yogurt right!  I am madly in love with the texture of your Greek yogurt anyway.  And then you created lemon.  And you put little bits of actual lemon in it!!  NO ONE does that!  I have to limit myself when I buy your yogurt and buy other flavors.  Otherwise, I'd probably pickle my tongue from all the perfect tartness in your lemon flavor.  You really did this well!

Puckered Up,
Sparkling

3 comments:

  1. I hope you sent each and everyone of these!

    I had that same aha moment about tank tops this winter. My daughter has been doing it for years, and I only just remembered that when I was a little girl we always wore undershirts (aka tank tops).

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just read your post about your riding obsession. I did not know that about you. I love that! Although I'm scared of horses, I admire someone who is not!
    And as for your letter to Lia Sophia, I have one thing to add: What if I WANTED to touch the ladies around me? Would that be wrong? :)

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  3. I love this post


    My Fav?

    Dear Old Wives


    heeee


    that is all

    ReplyDelete

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